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Decluttering has sort of become the newest “it” thing. There’s a reason, actually several. First, we’ve all grown up in this society whose job it seems to be to convince us our problems can all be solved if we buy this thing or that thing. Then we all lived through countless “unprecedented times”, disasters, and tragedies. The finale was a global pandemic. We are all trying to recover in a variety of ways. A lot of us have been squirreling away clothes, supplies, and even toys. Now, it seems a lot of us are coming out of our Covid haze, looking around and being completely overwhelmed by the amount of things we packed away over the previous years.

The space we are in can affect our mood and behaviors. Behavior Analysts spend a lot of time and effort setting up an environment because they know how the environment can impact behaviors. Other therapists put time and effort into ensuring their therapeutic spaces convey warmth and calm. They do this because they know that the environment can affect our emotions as well.

The way we organize and decorate our home can impact our mood and behaviors, and the way we set up the playroom can have a big impact on play behaviors and even getting along with siblings.

Starting

If you have been meaning to get a handle on the toys and play area(s) then this is the place to start. If you have tried in the past to organize toys to no avail, hopefully, this post and resources can help you out.

Starting any project can be overwhelming at first. It’s easy to get lost in the long list of steps or overwhelmed by the amount of things. In order to prepare yourself so that you can persevere during the challenging moments you need to first take a step back. Take some time to think about what drives you crazy, what the kids play with (and don’t), and what you envision for the space. Include feelings and emotions in your vision.

For more specific questions download our Toy Taming ebook.

Reasons to Simplify

Do your children have a ton of toys but never seem to play with them (or constantly complain they are bored)?
Do your children play for only a short amount of time in their play space?
Is the house being overrun by toys everywhere?
If there are siblings in the home (or regular visitors) are there consistent arguments and a seeming inability to play together?
Are you completely overwhelmed or stressed out with the amount of toys?
Does it take forever to clean up at the end of the day (or is it just too hard so it stays out)?
Does it seem you are the only one in the house who knows how to put away toys or where they go?

What the Research Says about Clutter

The first step is to provide a definition. So what is Clutter? Some researchers (1) have described clutter as an “overabundance of material possessions that collectively create disorderly and chaotic home environments”. So basically it is just having too much stuff for the space.

Having so many things around us is associated with poorer eating habits (2) and physical health (3). It can have negative impacts on our emotional health, relationships, and our mental capacities (4). Clutter can literally drain our energy and cause us to feel more stress and higher levels of depression.

Clutter can affect children and teens in the same way. When children and teens are stressed they can express it in a variety of ways (all of which can be hard for parents to manage). Behaviors like tantrums, aggression, screaming, agitation, and arguing can be associated with stress. It can lead to more sibling fights and disagreements(6). One of the ways we can help to relieve that stress is by clearing up the environment to make a more peaceful and restorative space.

Does this mean your home has to always be spotless? Heck no. Actually more creative people may want a little ‘clutter’ around (7). However, it’s their own personal choice such as when children bring in treasures from outside. It means clearing out space to ultimately allow it to be cluttered with creativity (but then tidied again). It is admittedly a tricky balance.

Mindful Decluttering

People have a tendency to be ashamed or embarrassed of their home when it goes past their personal view of how much a home should have. Maybe you are apologizing when other families come over to play. Or maybe you are avoiding having anyone over at all because of what you feel about the current toy (and maybe broader) situation in your home.

Before we go any further we need to pause and accept that these things have served us in some way. Or perhaps just the action of obtaining them served us. It brought a good feeling or a promise to solve a problem. We needn’t feel guilty about what led us here. We can be grateful that we are (maybe) ready to make more conscious, deliberate choices about the things we bring into our homes.

Allow yourself to gather up the thoughts that act as your own personal bullies, the feelings that make you want to hide or give up, and the hesitation and let them go. Gather them together and shoo them out the door. We have no use for those any longer. If they come back occasionally we can thank them for trying to help and then lead them back outside. We only have space and time for what is going to motivate and encourage us in this process.

Creating a Mantra or Vision Statement

When the going gets tough the tough give themselves words of encouragement. Positive self-talk is a great skill to utilize in any tough situation. When getting frustrated with things at home or at work my usual go-to is something along the lines of “I am smart, I am capable, I can figure this out”. Any positive words that you can tell yourself will indeed help in this process as well, however, you want to create a specific vision statement or mantra for you to use while you clear out.

Writing things down is an important tool as well. It helps make things real and legit in your mind and frees you from having to keep things in your memory, sort of clearing out the mind clutter. Write down all the words that describe what you want out of the space. Write down not only the obvious (play) but also any feelings you want to bring into the space. Combine the important parts into a statement.

Observing and Involving

Before I get started I always spend a few days prepping myself, thinking, planning, and observing the current play styles of the children. Observing how they play allows me to be able to know what toys or categories definitely need to be still available. This will also depend on the age of the child or children and will change as they grow and their preferences change. You may not have days, however, do take some time to think back on what you have seen them play with.

With young children, you can take a lead role in the sorting and organizing. Older children will, rightfully, want more input in what toys are out and available, stored away, or gifted to another. It is easier for children to identify their favorites rather than what toys can go. As soon as you ask a child if you can gift a toy to another child that’s the one toy they want to play with. When I ask my children to edit their toys I provide an incentive, usually a dollar per toy gotten rid of to buy something new. With more than one child I make sure they both agree so that one sibling isn’t trying to cash out their brother or sister’s things.

Ultimately it will be up to you to decide how involved you can get your kids. No matter what you choose you can let them know that you will be cleaning up their space and storing or giving away some toys they no longer use. We regularly discuss passing along things when we do not need them anymore so this is slightly easier.

Plan of Action

It’s important to have a plan of how you are going to get the items out of the space and out of the house. I recommend cardboard boxes for any giveaway items. Not only can you hide things away from view (because if they see a toy they haven’t picked up in a year in a giveaway box then they will all of sudden want to play with it), but also you can fill it and then just stick it in the trunk to drop off.

If you want to sell any items take photos immediately. Then give yourself deadlines. List the item by the end of the day. Sell the item in a week or two otherwise donate it. If you truly do not have a use for the item try to get it out as fast as you can. Posting items to a social media group (like a moms group or a Buy Nothing group) can make it easy to pass along items since people will come and pick them up.

Making the Plan

Decide how to get the things out of the house (donate, sell, post for free online)
Make a vision statement or mantra to utilize during the process
Plan out how you want to work (all at once, little by little, or somewhere in between)
Sort into categories that fit how your children play and edit from each category
Organize in bigger rather than smaller categories and make it as easy as possible when it comes time to clean up
Try to plan any big furniture or organization changes beforehand

Declutter Steps

Ok. Now you are ready to get started with the actual actions to declutter. Below are general steps. If you need more detailed steps you can use our Toy Taming eBook. The ebook breaks down the steps and provides more space for reflection, which may help you get farther this time. Preparing properly can help the actual task of decluttering to become easier.

Start with Clearing Stuff Out

Start with cleaning out the easy things

Broken toys or tiny bits that don’t go to anything
Annoying toys or offensive
Multiples of the same toy or type of toy
Developmentally inappropriate toys or toys claiming to give a developmental edge (usually younger kids)
Toys you were pressured to buy or you bought thinking they would love but they don’t play with often, also gifts they don’t actually play with

One Step at a Time

Decluttering toys is a challenging task but you can accomplish it by taking one step at a time. The key is breaking down into those steps. Smaller steps are easier to handle than big leaps. Deciding to go through one bin of toys or one category is easier than the whole room. Finding one thing to donate is easier than trying to fill a box. Allow yourself to go slow and you might find you actually get more accomplished that way.

Resources

The Dark Side of Home: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272494416300159?via%3Dihub
Clutter, Chaos and Overconsumption https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0013916516628178
Tidier Homes, Fitter bodies https://newsinfo.iu.edu/web/page/normal/14627.html
How Mental Health and Cleaning are Connected https://www.verywellmind.com/how-mental-health-and-cleaning-are-connected-5097496#citation-5
No Place like Home: Home Tours Correlate with Daily Patterns of Mood and Cortisol https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167209352864
Physical Order Produces Healthy Choices, Generosity, and Conventionality Whereas Disorder Produces Creativity https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797613480186
Clutter is Children’s Creative Play https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/smart-families/202209/clutter-is-children-s-creative-play

Toy Decluttering