“Summertime and the living is easy…” (Ella Fitzgerald) For those without kids maybe!!!
Remember waiting eagerly for the summer? Being so excited that last week of school that you could almost burst? Summer was full of friends and fun when we were kids. This may not be so true anymore as a parent. Summer now is usually full of planning, juggling, trips, and overstimulating chaos.
The good news is that a transition to summer can be a great time to adjust some routines and expectations. It can allow a natural time to build in more and different chores the kids can do. It can allow us to adjust our rules around screen time if that has been an issue or source of parental guilt during the year. Oh yeah, and a time to spend quality family time, but you knew that one already.
Adjusting Schedules
Summer is a natural time when schedules may adjust (especially for school-age children). Their day may be structured differently so you may also need to structure your own day slightly differently. With day camps letting out at different times (often very inconvenient times), the sun setting later, and friends having different schedules it can be hard to manage it all.
Planning ahead as much as possible can help to prepare not only you and your kids for the adjustments that come with summer. Having a visual schedule can help ease some of the troubles. This is especially important if they do not do well with transitions or when things change.
“A visual schedule?!?! I don’t have time to make one of those!”
No worries, I have got you covered.
You can make a quick one with a dry-erase board and writing out the day’s plans (or simple drawings for non-readers) or you can print out the visual schedule in the Home Summer Camp Kit.
For more information on visuals that could help, skip on over to the blog post on it.
Setting Clear Expectations
When the kids don’t need to get up and ready for school or to go anywhere in particular things can get a little out of whack. In a way this can be nice and relaxing if you have children who sleep in or can play quietly alone in the morning. In some ways, this adjustment can invite chaos.
It can be helpful to let everyone know what the morning expectations are and what they need to do to access preferred things and may decrease the number of times they ask things like “Can a friend come over?” or “Can I play on my tablet?”. Having a list of what they need to accomplish before they can move on to screen time or inviting the entire neighborhood over can help make sure they get what they need to do. A visual list or schedule also helps kids become more independent. They may need a lot of redirections or reminders at first but if the reward is good enough at the end they will start to do more and more on their own (if you let them).
Here is an example of a visual checklist we will be using to help my own kids know when it is time to ask if they can watch TV.
Avoiding Sibling Fights
Siblings get even more time with each other which usually means even more fights. Sibling conflict is inevitable, and actually very healthy and an important social development opportunity. However, that does not make it any less annoying to hear or any less worrisome if you fear for their safety during these conflicts.
One aspect that is often the source of many sibling (and peer) fights is related to the concept of sharing.
Sharing is a difficult concept and action to learn. It actually has many aspects to it. We don’t want children hoarding toys that they aren’t even playing with just so the other child doesn’t get to play with them but we also do not want to have one child give a toy as soon as they are asked all the time.
If you think about it, many of us have been taught that sharing is giving the toy to the next kid as soon as it was asked for. But really, it also involves waiting your turn. It involves asking nicely, not snatching something out of their hands as well as being willing to gift even a favorite snack so both can have some.
Sharing also involves putting ourselves into someone else’s shoes. This type of perspective-taking is not developed until later in childhood, so younger children will have great difficulty attempting to do this.
Training Ahead of Time
Any time we want them to behave a different way we may need to be ready to put in the work to train them to that. A good example is the above sharing guidelines, but another example is utilizing coping skills.
Social-emotional learning doesn’t get enough attention (says the mental health therapist). We spend a lot of time and energy teaching writing, reading, and math but the social-emotional piece is potentially even more important. After all, if you cannot feel safe and calm you cannot learn new material and skills.
The ability to calm ourselves or regulate our emotions is a skill just like reading. We have to first be able to recognize the somatic responses, our thoughts, and feelings that we may be experiencing, and then know how to respond to them. This is quite difficult. Pair that with the developmental milestones and/or hormones a person may be experiencing and it can feel impossible at times to regulate ourselves let alone someone else.
It is key to teach skills before those heightened emotions arise. Children (and adults) need to practice grounding and regulation skills before they are needed to be successful in managing those big emotions. We cannot teach new skills while the child is actively upset.
One of my favorite resources I have created is the Calm Down Cards Kit. It has cards that anyone can print and cut out. You can hang them up or use them in a deck to choose which skill you want to practice that day.
I also created a Caregiver Coping sheet which includes some good self-regulation strategies that can be done quickly and anywhere.
Building in Summer Success
The summer can be a great time to connect with family, make memories, and even have a little fun. Adopting the strategies that you feel will work for you, making a plan, and implementing them regularly can help achieve summer success. Clear plans and expectations could be your sanity savers this summer.
It should also be noted that allowing ourselves time is also key. Parents need to be able to fit in time to move their bodies, relax, read, and recharge is so important. Self-care isn’t a solo sport however, try tag teaming with a friend so each of you gets time to yourself and the children are cared for.
As always, contact us if you need more support or need a resource that is a little more customized.